My daughter was born eight years ago and where I was the sole breadwinner of my family: my husband stayed at home to take care of her. Now we can actually use the second income.
For years, I have been urging him to go back to work – especially as our daughter is now going to school under the patronage of a working parent support.
We live in a high-cost area of life, and Rathbi barely covers our expenses, as there is nothing to save for retirement or holiday. And forget the owner of the house.
A few months ago, my husband finished the training camp for six months, but says he is still not ready to re-prepare the workforce. She wants to continue learning on her own until she feels she is a competitive candidate.
When he is about to start applying for things, he has no timetable. I know this transition is difficult, but how much do I support? My displeasure with this is increasing, and I do not know what to do about it.
Your frustration is quite reasonable. You are raising huge financial burdens. There is nothing left for other financial priorities or savings objectives. Of course, resentment is cooked. You need help and do not receive it from your husband.
At the same time, the time of the eight-year period is the inability to work, and it seems that reluctance to return to your husband stems from some basic emotional problems.
It may be that he makes excuses, but I bet it is not because of the excuses of laziness. He said he did not feel “a competitive candidate”, which he said lacked trust. You will do this because you are unemployed for almost a decade.
My point is that it may be difficult for you to be patient now, but it is difficult for him to return to an office, where he has to prove himself after leaving that environment for a long time.
Play an important role in all of this – a discouraging partner can make this process more difficult, but the helper will make it very easy.
Take your husband to a place where he feels comfortable, and both need a passionate job: listening, empathy, and much more.
Be a little strategist about how to deal with it. This is the temptation to open up with something, “We need to talk, there is chaos in our financial resources and you need to start making more money.”
If he feels that this disappointment is not coming from anywhere, it is likely to lead to more defenses and more Issues of self-esteem, which will only prolong the problem.
So instead, try to do something else, “I tell you about going back to work, how do you feel, and where do you see yourself next year?”
Of course, you should be open about how you feel, as I said, feeling financially insecure, and you are beginning to feel a little resentful of the risks of financial responsibility.
Maybe you want to buy a house. You want to retire someday and as is the case, you can not put these plans because your household income is not enough.
Instead of the problem, discussing the solution (which can help him) about the solution (what he does to make things worse), will be discussed much more productively.
To get to this solution, you need a plan – when you start actively searching for a job, how many times it is applied, and setting a goal of income based on your financial priorities.
Set your financial goals: For example, you may need to start providing $ 1,000 a month for retirement until you are 67 years old.
You may want to save $ 150 a month for your family trip next year. In order to give a clear idea of where you stand, cut off your family’s money.
Then, mention some concrete steps they can take to bring themselves closer to the ultimate goal of employment.
He can apply for a new job every day. Or drinking coffee with someone in their targeted area every month. Or career counselor vision.
Searching for a job is difficult and emotionally stressful, so your husband may sometimes feel that he is colliding with the wall – keep this in mind and prepare for it.
Ideally, if you understand your husband’s conflict, he will also understand you.
Of course, marriage does not always work neatly, and if you find that you are already in trouble, your husband has not won, it may be time to include the third party.
Your marriage counselor or doctor may seem trivial, but if nothing else works, your spouse may need to be stimulated by offering some guidance to someone else.
Even if you do not bring someone else, the most important thing is that each of you must understand what others are struggling for.